Re-Evaluating The Definition of Love Saturday 14 February, 2015

So It’s Valentine’s Day and it’s the day of love! It’s a day where couples show their affection and single people are popping balloons (just kidding). I wanted to do special post today in honor of my favorite holiday. Why is this my favorite holiday? Well Vday is always the week after my bday and I just love the concept of love and hearts everywhere. I think its the cutest holiday and lots of love and fun stuff. Sure there is excessive balloons, reds and pinks, chocolates, roses and all of those cliche things but I love it! As much as I love it, there are plenty of people who loathe this day. They believe its a money-making holiday to rub in the faces of single people that they are “love-less” and are losers (supposedly). Well I think otherwise. I think people’s perception of love is skewed, and I would love to showcase my thoughts and re-evaluate what love really should be about!  re-evaluating-love-blog-valentines-day1

Hi my name is Kiwi and I am a long-term relationship kind of girl. Being in long-term relationships, I think I know a little or two about what love is. No I am not married so what do I know right? Married, Single, Dating, Asexual it doesn’t matter I know love is a universal language and we ALL deserve it. It has actually taken my previous relationships and dating life to realize what love is all about. Yes love can be complicated but it’s simplier than we all make it.

FOR THE LOVERS

Love is NOT conditional. I want to put that out there. I repeat love is not CONDITIONAL. I know it’s cliche to say you want unconditional love but do you know what that means? It means no matter what situation or current emotion one is feeling, the love doesn’t go away. Yes we can go through the ups and downs with someone, but it shouldn’t be a pass or fail moment. It seems like in relationship we are always taking a test, and if one part of the relationship is failing anywhere…there are points being taking off. There are conditions that aren’t talked about that will jeopardize the relationship if one person feels like its not matching up to their expectations. Everyone goes into a relationship with their own motives and expectations and if they aren’t talked about, then the relationship becomes discombobulated. Many relationships end because the motives people go into it without letting the partner know, and people are in the dark expecting them to put up with certain things over time – and maybe even expect other things that was not disclosed in the beginning. Solution to that is to keep talking about wants and needs EARLY into the relationship and continue it. It’s interesting to see to people in a committed relationship with two different goals and perspectives of what kind of relationship they expect to have. Unconditional love is natural and you don’t have to force or think twice about it. Unconditional love doesn’t have motives or exit strategies. Unconditional love is magnetic and both people communicate fluidly with each other with no grey areas and would never do anything to hurt the other.  Real love is a spiritual connection, its intuitive and its always a work in progess.

FOR SINGLE PEOPLE WHO WANT LOVE

My first thing I want to say is forgive your past. If you haven’t let go you need to because it will affect your future and your partner. You can’t take every fail relationship and replay bad moments or continue to keep asking why didn’t it work. You also have to stop looking at love as something you can’t have again. You are already love. Two people do not make love alone. Th best couples are two people who already love themselves and know who they are and take their energy to love another person too. Another person shouldn’t be a void filler in your life. You shouldn’t be scared to be by yourself. Being by yourself gives you a chance to learn yourself with minimal distractions. It gives you a chance to fail and get back up again without having to consult with another person about your plans. That’s good to have someone to help in decision makings and all, but when you are single you are solely responsible – and you are not making decision based on how another person would feel or how it would affect them. We need that sometimes. We need space. We need to find ourselves and sometimes we are single for as long as we are because we are still on our own personal journey and bringing someone along will slow us down or even detour us in the wrong direction. Stop comparing your relationship status to other. You will have your time and don’t say negative things about why you haven’t found love yet. It will happen when its supposed it. You shouldn’t have to force it, you don’t have to settle, and it should feel like it’s meant to be when it does happen. You are not on a timeline (although society says otherwise) and don’t listen to family, friends or other nag your or continue to make you feel uncomfortable about your singledom. Do date, have fun in the meantime, don’t make finding (or love finding you) and chore or business arrangement. Best advice I can give is to please have a positive attitude and really know what you want in your next relationship and make sure this future person will be in alignment with your long term goals. There is someone out there for you and you will be loved!

FOR THE PERSON GIVING UP ON LOVE

Why? Has it been to long since your last relationship? Did your last relationship scar you. Are you feeling like a failure which each relationship that doesn’t work. You can’t blame love for that. Sometimes when we choose a partner, we accidentally choose them for the wrong reasons and they had red flags in the beginning and we refused to see it. If someone hurt you badly, their actions didn’t come from a loving place. So instead of blaming that one love, blame that on a person who didn’t understand the concept of loving another person. Sometime people get in relationship for the wrong reason or a motive, and again that was of thinking isnt from a place of love. You are disappointed. You feel like it’s never going to happen. As the months go by and you’re still single, you start to question what is wrong with you? It’s nothing wrong with you, but maybe your perspective of relationships are getting tainted. Do not let the media or friends/family failed relationship scorn you for what you can have in your future. Don’t let someone who has broken your heart take the joy your supposed to give to a person and make you cold. Being cold is only going to keep your heart an icebox. Give up on love is no different than giving up on anything else in life. It means you will block your blessings, what’s meant for you and it wont come because you don’t believe in it. You don’t believe it will ever happen, your becoming a skeptic to love. Love is real, it’s not a shortage of love on this planet so open your heart to the possibility that you can have it. The truth is you’re scared of it, scare love will look you in the face and leave you high and dry. Love is too positive and powerful to hurt you, there is someone out there who can love you the way you deserve but promise you will have a better attitude about the 4-letter word.

all-you-need-is-love-natural-hair-kiwi-the-beauty The most important fact about love whether you are lovers, looking for love or giving up on love is that LOVE IS MATURITY. However you look at love will show in your own maturity levels. Love and Maturity goes together because when you are mature you think differently. You are not selfish and you think about other people. An immature person is selfish and looks at love in a ME, ME, ME factor how do they benefit and they rarely want to reciprocate the same actions they are seeking. When you are mature you love better. When two people are mature it’s a beautiful combination. I think we should all grow-up to our thoughts of love and stop making it this evil thing it isn’t. People’s actions give love a bad rep. Valentines day makes some upset only because they fear of a lack in their life. Love isn’t just a present, a restaurant reservation, a social media shoutout, a ring, or not even saying the word love is not enough. One day to celebrate is cool but it shouldn’t be the validating force whether you have real love in your life or not.

Everyday should feel like hearts and roses. Everyday should feel like a day worth loving, you don’t need a Valentine to prove that point. Love is a beautiful perspective that goes full circle in a healthy way 365 days out the year no matter your relationship status. Love your partner, love your family, most importantly love yourself!

 

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

What phase of love are you in now? How will you spend V-day?

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About the Blogger - Kiwi the Beauty


Kiwi is the free spirited blogger and content creator of KiwiTheBeauty.com. As a digital influencer, she produces creative inspiration around beauty, lifestyle, media and travel leisure. Her life mantra is to make manifesting fun! When she’s not blogging, she is eating trendy hipster food, carrying crystals, making it rain at her local farmer's market and binge brunching. Follow her on her blog and social media at kiwithebeauty.com + @kiwithebeauty


25 Comments

  • Jess C says:

    Loved this post! So true! As we’re growing up, we seem to learn more that relationships are never perfect and we have to be there just as much in the worse times than the great times… And to love our partner for their flaws as well…

  • Jeanine says:

    What a great post! I loved this. I’m not sure what phase I am in right now with love. I’ve been with my husband for 10 years, married 8 and I’m happy. I’m content. and I always feel so much love when hes around and even when not. Flaws and all, we’ve been through SO MUCH and at the end of the day we are still together. That’s all that matters to me! After all we have been through, we can get through anything and probably make it out stronger than the last time. Love is amazing.

  • Freya says:

    Great post ! Relationships are never easy and there are good and bad times .. but that’s life. It is really nice to go through life together with someone. Regarding Valentine’s day, yes I also like all the cute and romantic things around Valentine’s but I like that any other day as well 🙂

  • Nikki says:

    I really like your outlook on love. I also really agree with you about not letting the media tell you what your relationship should look like. Too often, we let Hollywood movies set unrealistic expectations, then get let down when our lives don’t follow the path of the latest romantic comedy.

  • Kay Adeola says:

    This is a great post,love is going through the ups and downs together and also no one should ever compare their love to what you see on the movies as it is different for everyone.

  • Happy Belated Valentine’s Day to you, too! I hope that you had a great one.

  • You definitely learn a lot about love by having different relationships over the years. Like you, I like to be in long term relationships. I am doing pretty good so far. My husband and I have been married 8 years next week. 🙂

  • Pam says:

    This is such a great post. I’m married, and I’ve learned over the years that love takes work. But love is the best feeling out there!

  • aimee fauci says:

    I have been married for 20 years, would I be the LOVER? I do believe in unconditional love but it does take work. This Valentine’s Day our family spent time camping together, laughing and eating.

  • Brandy says:

    This is great. I believe in loving your own self first. I believe that you have to really love yourself or fall in love with someone who encourages you to find yourself and love yourself and then love happens all over. I am not a big Valentine’s day person, as I think love should be celebrated every day in those little moments whether single or in a relationship. I loved reading this.

  • tammileetips says:

    I love this post!! I hate how commercial Valentine’s Day has become its really meaning can be lost in the hype of the gifts. Love is always changing in long term relationships and what it needs.

  • Michelle Hwee says:

    I love how passionate you are with this post! V-Day has really changed the last couple of years, its great that you remind us all of what it really should be about what love is. Thanks for posting this, it is quite inspirational to me and reaches people of all levels.

  • Rosey says:

    We went to dinner the night before, hoping to beat the crowds (which we didn’t because it was still a Friday). I know someone in each of the categories you’ve mentioned. I’m in a ‘been in love so long it’s like an arm extension’ category (that I just made up). 😉

  • I spent Valentine’s Day at work. And then came home to a sick child.

  • Courtney says:

    Ahhhhh what a fantastic post!!!! Love can be super tricky!!!! Trust me I’ve been married twice 😉 the first time we honestly had to separate goals and the goals clashes with each other!!! So the second time around I made sure I found someone on the same page as me! And here we are to this day happy taking over the world together 😉 that’s what I am constantly trying to explain to friends. Just because you have fun with someone doesn’t mean they are the one! What are there goals? Are they the same as you? Do your lives match?

  • Ora Lee Gurr says:

    Happy Vday to you. I celebrated by giving or sending Valentine’s Day cards to special friends and relatives this year. This is a great holiday to be kind to one another, and enjoy the knowledge that so many different people make us feel loved.

  • Natalie says:

    Great post on Valentine’s Day as a whole. I never really cared much for the holiday, just another day for me. Sure when my ex-husband actually remember the day, I’ll get some cheap candy that tasted like cardboard and the cheap red teddy bear that came with it, no thought or concept went into it. More of the, “oh you got me something, I forgot, here have this cheap bear and cardboard candy..” haha But I’m not in a phase of love. Not that I gave up on it, but I’m not searching for it. I just got out of a 9 year relationship with someone who “wasn’t in love with me after 9 years together and 4 kids. So yeah.. When God is ready, he will send me the right guy, until then.. I’m enjoy singles awareness day..month.. year! I want to focus on myself and my kids.. I don’t need a guy to be happy, I want to be happy without one for awhile!

  • Angela says:

    Been married 20 years, to me the longer it gets the sweeter it gets! I’m blessed, we spent the day watching movies, then went out to dinner. A single rose and a big pack of Reese Cups (now that is love:)))

  • I am definitely open to finding love. This is such a great post.

  • melisasource says:

    What a great post! Being married, I know that the definition of love has tru;y changed for me over the years!

  • I love your take on Valentine’s Day! We spent a calm day and weekend at home, with he entire family. I don’t understand the craziness about V-Day when you can decide to have V-Day every day – and everyone should! 🙂

  • MJ says:

    I read this and thought “Kiwi is an old soul.” Yes girl, give us the lessons. I appreciate your thoughts on the subject. My current phase of love is “Loving my God, myself, my husband, my children and my story.” Hugs and love to you birthday girl.

  • Kelley says:

    You’re definitely right! Love progresses and that is definitely a beautiful thing! Being married, it’s awesome to literally experience Valentines Day everyday. It’s important to know that that starts with self first!

  • Harry says:

    Your blog has reopened feelings that I try to quell. I lost my wife to cancer several years ago and I miss her so much. We were married for 12 years.

  • I’ve been in a long-term relationship with no marriage in sight. but this was a bad relationship – abusive at worst ties, toxic at best. now I’ve been married to a wonderful man for 3 years and YES true love is unconditional when it’s done right!


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